Title: The Black
Sheep Shadow
Author: Ashley Terrell
Series: Standalone
Genre: Women’s Fiction, Fiction, Self-Help, Religious
Publisher: Ashley Terrell LLC
Release Date: April 19 2016
Edition/Formats: eBook & Print
Blurb/Synopsis:
The city lights blind your amazement. The sound of the
traffic challenges you to be alive. Families ask bystanders to make magic and
capture the moment with photographs. Newly engaged couples seal their union by
kissing under shooting stars while loving by crossing their hearts.
But if your heart was under arrest, wouldn't you want to
embrace something to feel like others?
Go insider the world of one courageous sheep as she
discovers that her heart was under attack by darkness. As she travels on a
spiritual journey to understanding her purpose, overcoming the undertones of
low confidence, self-acceptance, and the importance of inspiration, she rose
against the odds with forgiveness and strengthening her faith.
(Note from Author)
The Power of Dark Places
The Importance of
Your Black Shadow
Greensboro, NC: As the media crowd airwaves with the potent
details of current events, correctional surgery and fashion sales, the
potential of who we "could" be is being unsympathetically sold to
millions.
Men and women are mentally wounded as highly sought public
figures are invested in staying relevant in the latest “dramatic” scandals.
"It's always harder to see what is in front of you when you are looking
everywhere else," states author of The Black Sheep Shadow, Ashley Terrell.
"Everyone has an opinion, but when it is time to speak up very few do.
Speak and move with a purpose - that's relevance. One act of kindness can open
doors to have others to walk through."
In The Black Sheep Shadow, Terrell speaks on the undertones
of what we believe holds us to the idea we cannot succeed, grow and become
better. Terrell tells her courageous journey of overcoming, forgiveness and
finding happiness. Acclaimed to be one of the best novels of 2016, Terrell uses
her journey as a platform for others to speak their truths, testimonies and to
spread awareness.
Within her inspirational memoir, you discover the motivating
logical quotes:
● “Guided lights” that many overlook on their journey to
self-acceptance and self-worth
● Definition of “hidden faith”
● “Change has a role call”
● “Everyone has strength - better yet, a TESTIMONY.”
Puzzled
Starts and Questionable Endings
February 20, 2013
I slowly place the phone down on the bathroom vanity as I
glance at my reflection in the mirror. My skin glowed under the master bathroom
lighting. I turn around to look at the luxury we my husband and I worked so
hard for. Jacuzzi, stand up showers, double sinks with gold bathroom railings
and custom tiling we had two other bathrooms just like it. I close my eyes to
take me back to when we had less materialistic distractions. Love kept us motivated
and supportive of each other when there was one vehicle, little to eat, less
than five dollars, God still gave us an abundance.
Tonight, it seemed more like a bill rather than an
investment just as my marriage was an obligation, not a decision based on
happiness.
I gathered myself as I come back to reality to assess that I
had eventually slid down to spread the heat from my bathroom floors to other
parts of my body. As my feet gained life and my fingers began to recognize
themselves, I noticed one part of me that was no longer warm my heart.
I crawl into bed, sending text messages to the few close
friends I felt were in my corner the word ‘few’ is an understatement. I silenced
my phone as I laid on my back and looked at the ceiling. The feeling I
possessed was one I never really paid a lot of attention to when it resurfaced.
This time, it was as apparent as a ‘bad’ pair of shoes women spot in the mall.
It was as obvious as a zit on prom day. It was me coming to a reality I was
more lost than what I thought I was.
What did I do that was so wrong? I thought. Did I not
support enough? We have this big house, cars and businesses to prove I am. Did
I not service my husband enough for him to see I wanted him? I knew that was
not the answer because he had begun to stop coming to bed and touching me
months ago. I asked, “Did I gain weight?”
Though my weight scale told me I was getting leaner, I knew
it was from stress. It is hard going to work in the morning and your husband
doesn’t want to get out his recliner to wake you up with a good morning kiss,
let alone make sure I had everything to complete my day and get out the house
in time. I did not know when the distance began having an excuse. I did know
that after our vows and our first night being husband and wife, I didn’t matter
much.
My paralyzing state stems from my marriage being over. I
knew it had been over. Tonight, I received my confirmation.
Normally, when two people sense that a relationship should
not work, two things happen. First, they cut their ties as mature adults. They
should not hate each other, they just simply move on. Second, they stay
together to a point it hurts to be in the same room because they fear the
unknown of who is next to claim their prize possession. We were at this point.
I stayed with my husband that did not appreciate, respect, acknowledged or care
about me. Countless nights I would roll over and his side of the bed was as
cold as the winter air in the morning. The nights I dash home to cook a meal
from scratch and he strolls through the door as if he did not get the memo. My
closest friends from high school becoming distant memories due to egos and
social media insecurities.
When you lose someone, it is always a hardship.
You have an emotional investment to your relationship. For
it to dismantle, it is devastating. Somehow, you get back up and you begin
again. For someone to lose someone in regards to marriage, I found no words. I
just had thoughts.
You should marry your best friend. I married that one person
that is so close to me that they complete my sentences. He has seen me in my
most vulnerable state. To lose him, it seemed impossible to get back up and
begin again.
In the moment, I felt lost. My all in
One is gone. I not only suffered a loss, I was also
suffering from loneliness.
To lose my husband, he was my last piece. Without the one
motivating and supporting me, I truly felt like I hit rock bottom. Not
believing in anything.
I gaze out observing the moon glow over the
Elizabeth River. Tonight, is the last night I remain unknown
to myself. I realized the more I stayed with my husband, the more I could not
see myself on my own recognizance. My name became unfamiliar. My quiet time
seemed more like torture and the people around me were more like extras from a
movie. I was no longer aware of my surroundings and what defined me.
I called my husband. I did not tell him I heard what I
recalled on my voicemail with the other woman, but it was enough for me to give
him the divorce he’d been looking since we said ‘I do’.
In my gut, I knew this man was going to take me from hell and
back in our divorce proceedings. I did not want much, I just wanted peace.
Hell, I thought that was free.
Unfortunately, it is not that easy at least in my case.
My take on life has many pros and cons. I had noticed many
people make it to the other side where happiness is on a
Hollywood sign. I failed miserably at understanding that
conclusion.
The next day, I dragged myself into work. Real estate, once
being known as a passion, of mine, now somehow became stale. During lunch, I
had a lot on my mind and my coworker, Jack, was concerned. As I pushed my food
around in my lunch container, he sat across from me in silence. I felt that he
knew with a matter of time, my husband was going to show his ugly side. Jack
was always that friend that real and to the point. Today, he knew I just wanted
someone else’s presence even if it was for a half an hour. I was just tired of
feeling alone.
“Jack, how do you find happiness?” I asked with tears
falling into my food. Given that Jack was twice my age,
I listen to wisdom he passed along.
He said, “Sometimes, you have to go through a lot of what
you may think is bad shit, to get to where you want to be. When you get there,
all the shit you been through will make it worth it.”
Oh, Jack was never lying.
