Title: Lust for Life
Author: Seanpaul Thomas
Genre: Contemporary/Dark/Adult Fiction/British Men's
Adventure
Publisher: Paul Thomas Publishing
Release Date: Aug 2014
Blurb/Synopsis:
If you knew you only had a short time left to live on this
planet, really live. What would you do with that precious time?
A dark, sexy, black humorous tale of sex, violence, the male
psyche, and an unstoppable whirlwind adventure of finding love in the least
likely location.
Short Synopsis -
Set in modern day Edinburgh - A man with terminal brain cancer decides to rebel
against society and go out with a bang by living out his dreams and most wild
fantasies. But even when he finds love and a new lease of life, it fails to
stop his new adventurous ways from spiraling into an unstoppable train wreck of
carnage.
Long Synopsis -
Set in modern day Edinburgh, an average everyday working man in his
mid-thirties is given the devastating news that he has terminal Brain Cancer.
Refusing any kind of help or Chemo, he struggles with overbearing thoughts on
becoming a better person and giving into his natural urges, social fears and
sexual desires to do and act however the hell he pleases. No longer wishing to obey
the rules and regulations of monotonous everyday life. Now our hero yearns to
know what it's like to live a life without regret and consequences while his
mind is still a healthy functioning one.
The story unfolds with a slow burning tension as our hero eventually
turns his back on modern day society and begins using his terminal illness as a
license to act out his biggest dreams and fantasies. Good and bad. While also
squaring up to a couple of long time buried, but not forgotten, demons from his
past. But when he finds love along the way even that comes with a heavy price.
****WARNING CONTAINS
THE FOLLOWING****
Scottish
dialect/slang, Strong Violence and Language in parts and a couple of Graphic Sex
Scenes.
'Jesus Christ Liam! What the hell are you wearing?'
Celine covered her mouth. Trying desperately to stop anymore
laughter.
I was dressed in a full scale Catholic Priest outfit. Full
length black cassock, with matching shirt, collar and a black skull cap. Then
fake gold and silver chains with crosses around my neck. I stared at Celine
with pure and utter seriousness. Getting fully into my role.
'Please do not take the Lords name in vain with me my child.
I bless you and absolve you of all of your sins. Amen.'
I made the sign of the cross in mid air too, just for good
measure. Celine continued to laugh. Yet more in disbelief at my transformation
than anything else.
'Oh my God! You are crazy Liam. Really freaking crazy.'
I handed Celine a large plastic bag that I'd brought into
the car with me.
'Okay my wee saucy sister of mercy! Shut the hell up and put
this on.'
Celine looked confused as she took the bag.
'Please tell me this isn't... what I think it is?'
I couldn't for the life of me wipe the smug grin away from
my face quick enough when Celine peaked into that bag. She let out the most
hysterical shriek of excitement I'd ever heard.
***
Fifteen minutes later I pulled up outside a large Church close
to the Meadows. I thought I'd stop at this particular one since there happened
to be quite a few cars parked outside. I guessed a mass was already in process.
I switched off the engine and turned to Celine who sat wearing a convincing yet
very, very sexy nun's outfit, complete with stockings and suspenders. Celine
took a few moments to stare up in awe at the large imposing church building
directly in front of us.
'Liam! I don't care how much money you're paying me. There
is no way on God's green Earth that I am having sex with you inside that church
okay. NO WAY!'
'Jesus Christ Celine! Who said anything about copulating on
Holy sacred territory here? I do have some morals you know. We're just here to
have some fun and join in with the service that's all. Oh, and have a wee
cheeky fun pray about too of course.' I said winking.
We exited the car. I took Celine by the hand and led her
through the small graveyard leading up to the church. Some of the graves and
tombs looked pretty impressive and more importantly very secluded. An ideal
place I imagined for some outdoors sordid tom foolery in the darketh of night.
'I'm not shagging you inside that graveyard either. Do you
hear me. No way.' Celine said, like she'd been reading my mind.
'Not even against that gorgeous looking gothic tomb over
there?' I teased. 'It would be something to tick off the bucket list though
no.'
Celine gave me an evil stare.
'Oh sister have mercy! I'm just teasing.'
We approached the church. Celine paused quite suddenly at
the main door before finally entering. She looked nervous. It was a big change
from always seeing her so strong minded and self confident.
'I can not believe I'm actually doing this Liam. I need to
have my bloody head examined.' She said as her French accent grew strangely
stronger.
'Hey. This was your idea sweet cheeks. And WOW by the way!
Can I just say you look absolutely stunning in that outfit in this light.'
I could see Celine's eyes glowing with that compliment.
'Thank you. You actually look pretty damn hot and ravishing
there yourself Monsieur Minister.'
'Why thank you for the compliment my saucy and sinister
looking devil sister.'
'Oh my pleasure father. Mon plasir.'
We entered the Church. It looked well over half full with
all kinds of evening worshippers, old and young, sitting inside. This was going
to be a lot of fun. I had planned to just sit at the back of the church for a
wee while you know. Listening to the sermon and fooling around with Celine. But
now I was actually here in the moment. Fuck it. I had another idea. My
adrenaline and confidence were sky rocketing. I wanted to attempt something a
bit more memorable, risky and adventurous. So I would just wing it from here on
in.
I let go of Celine's hand and urged her to take my arm
instead. We made our way down the main aisle of the Church towards the altar
from where the Irish accented priest conducted his sermon. As we walked towards
the front of the church I could feel and see from the corner of my eye more and
more worshippers turning their attention upon us. Glancing with both confusion
and curiosity at this odd Priest and sexy, curvaceous nun twosome.
The real Priest still hadn't seen us yet and kept reading
his boring, monotonous words. His voice sounded so dull and mundane like he
just didn't have his heart and soul in it anymore. I'd only been here a few
seconds and already I wanted to stick my finger into my eye and swirl it around
a bit from listening to the droning bastard. That's the problem with these
churches nowadays. Too much text book worshiping and not enough spontaneous and
fun improvisation and lively interaction with the audience.
'Oh my God Liam! Everyone in here is looking at us right
now.' Whispered Celine. Just in front of us on the left, I noticed a young teen
putting down his small handheld games console when another young teen beside
him, began nudging him hard to look up at this bizarre couple coming towards
them. They couldn't take their eyes off Celine's sexy stockings that's for
sure.
I felt Celine grip my arm even tighter.
'I thought we were just going to sit down for a bit at the
back Liam?'
'Be strong my child. You are in the arms of the Lord now.' I
replied, slipping back into character. When we reached the alter the Irish
preacher finally noticed us for the first time. He stopped his preaching's
immediately to glare over at us, well more so Celine, in utter disbelief and
pure adulterated shock. He fell absolutely speechless. Though I could hear non
stop chattering and gassing from almost the entire public congregation behind.
I stepped further up onto the altar with Celine. This daring act of movement
into forbidden territory finally broke the Priest's stunned silence.
'What in God's name is the meaning of this? How dare you
interrupt my service. What the hell is going on here?'
'Forgive me father!' I replied loudly, so the rest of the church
could hear me too. 'This will only take a minute.'
Sensing the rage in the real Priest's eyes, we'd be lucky if
he'd give us two seconds before bringing down the wrath of God upon us. So I
turned as quickly as I could to address the rest of the Church.
'...For this sister standing here before you now...' I
pointed blatantly at Celine. 'IS A SINNER.'
Celine just froze, all eyes upon her, trying to smile as
politely and as innocently as she could.
'So I bring this foul and polluted beast upon you today, so
that you can all join together with me in harmony and matrimony and help suck
out the very taste of sin and lust and impure thoughts infesting deep, deep
inside this, this...' I let out the most wicked grin. '...This most damn fine
and sexy impure creature I have ever laid eyes upon.'
I could see the Priest had finally had enough of this
charade. He shouted down to one of the alter boys who sat with a row of five
other boys in the front.
'Patrick! PATRICK! Call the police ma boy. Call the bloody
police right now. Right this very second.'
The young alter boy didn't know which way to look or what
the hell to do. He was clearly enjoying the show and reluctantly pulled out his
mobile phone. Shit I had to be quick.
'So yes my fellow sheep. I mean worshippers. Act with your
prayers and help me suck, suck it out, right out of her very dirty and polluted
soul.' I continued, immersing myself completely with the spirit of this
preaching shite lark.
'I'd like to suck something out of her.' Commented one of
the young alter boys at the front. An older woman behind, who I assumed to be
his mother, clipped him hard around the ear. Some more children behind began
giggling too at this new drama unfolding.
The priest remained stood where he was, kind of in a state
of half shock and limbo. So with little more time to spare, I pulled Celine
hard towards me, pulling her into a very passionate embrace indeed. I heard a
loud gasp of anticipation from the surrounding congregation. I looked deep and
soulfully into Celine's eyes for another few heartbeats before sticking my
tongue deep inside her mouth and making out with her like two highland cows on
Valentine’s Day. 'Gangnam style.' All tongues mixed with plenty of affectionate
lust. It was a shockingly humorous site I imagined. Nobody knew which way to
turn. Most, I could feel, were just holding their breaths, wondering if this
was some kind of promotion for a local fringe production show in town. But the
fringe festival had been over for months.
When I finished kissing Celine I turned back to the crowd.
The younger lot seemed to be smiling, chuckling aloud and enjoying the whole
shebang. The older crowd, which seemed to be the overwhelming majority of
people inside the church, looked as if I'd broken into each and everyone of
their houses and took a big stinking dump right in the middle of their brand
new living room rug. They were absolutely mortified. The mother of the two
teens had even blatantly covered her sons eyes. While Patrick, the alter boy,
still hadn't dialed any numbers on his phone yet.
***
Celine and I ran hurriedly from the Church hand in hand and
laughing like a pair of crazy loons. What a rush. We made our way back through
the graveyard and over towards the car. We were chased outside by a small crowd
of the older church goers. Headed by the enraged Irish Priest frothing at the
mouth. He waved a huge metal chalice in the air like he were conducting a
witch-hunt in the dark ages. Halfway through the graveyard the Priest stopped,
completely out of breath.
'Aye! Run you pair of Satan's fookin perverts ye. And don't
come fookin back ya hear! Ya pair o mental fookin Egits ye.'
Still laughing outrageously, Celine and I dived into her car
and drove away as quickly as possible.
Driving back into town we were still laughing and chuckling
away uncontrollably.
'Oh my God Liam! I am so wet right now with all this
excitement.'
'You're wet! I almost peed my pants when that real Priest
came at us with his holy chalice. Nearly took my head clean off, the radge.'
'Not very Christian like was he?'
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