Title: Lust for Life
Author: Seanpaul Thomas
Genre: Contemporary/Dark/Adult Fiction/British Men's Adventure
Publisher: Paul Thomas Publishing
Release Date: Aug 2014
If you knew you only had a short time left to live on this planet, really live. What would you do with that precious time?
A dark, sexy, black humorous tale of sex, violence, the male psyche, and an unstoppable whirlwind adventure of finding love in the least likely location.
Short Synopsis - Set in modern day Edinburgh - A man with terminal brain cancer decides to rebel against society and go out with a bang by living out his dreams and most wild fantasies. But even when he finds love and a new lease of life, it fails to stop his new adventurous ways from spiraling into an unstoppable train wreck of carnage.
Long Synopsis - Set in modern day Edinburgh, an average everyday working man in his mid-thirties is given the devastating news that he has terminal Brain Cancer. Refusing any kind of help or Chemo, he struggles with overbearing thoughts on becoming a better person and giving into his natural urges, social fears and sexual desires to do and act however the hell he pleases. No longer wishing to obey the rules and regulations of monotonous everyday life. Now our hero yearns to know what it's like to live a life without regret and consequences while his mind is still a healthy functioning one. The story unfolds with a slow burning tension as our hero eventually turns his back on modern day society and begins using his terminal illness as a license to act out his biggest dreams and fantasies. Good and bad. While also squaring up to a couple of long time buried, but not forgotten, demons from his past. But when he finds love along the way even that comes with a heavy price.
****WARNING CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING****
Scottish dialect/slang, Strong Violence and Language in parts and a couple of Graphic Sex Scenes.
'Jesus Christ Liam! What the hell are you wearing?'
Celine covered her mouth. Trying desperately to stop anymore laughter.
I was dressed in a full scale Catholic Priest outfit. Full length black cassock, with matching shirt, collar and a black skull cap. Then fake gold and silver chains with crosses around my neck. I stared at Celine with pure and utter seriousness. Getting fully into my role.
'Please do not take the Lords name in vain with me my child. I bless you and absolve you of all of your sins. Amen.'
I made the sign of the cross in mid air too, just for good measure. Celine continued to laugh. Yet more in disbelief at my transformation than anything else.
'Oh my God! You are crazy Liam. Really freaking crazy.'
I handed Celine a large plastic bag that I'd brought into the car with me.
'Okay my wee saucy sister of mercy! Shut the hell up and put this on.'
Celine looked confused as she took the bag.
'Please tell me this isn't... what I think it is?'
I couldn't for the life of me wipe the smug grin away from my face quick enough when Celine peaked into that bag. She let out the most hysterical shriek of excitement I'd ever heard.
Fifteen minutes later I pulled up outside a large Church close to the Meadows. I thought I'd stop at this particular one since there happened to be quite a few cars parked outside. I guessed a mass was already in process. I switched off the engine and turned to Celine who sat wearing a convincing yet very, very sexy nun's outfit, complete with stockings and suspenders. Celine took a few moments to stare up in awe at the large imposing church building directly in front of us.
'Liam! I don't care how much money you're paying me. There is no way on God's green Earth that I am having sex with you inside that church okay. NO WAY!'
'Jesus Christ Celine! Who said anything about copulating on Holy sacred territory here? I do have some morals you know. We're just here to have some fun and join in with the service that's all. Oh, and have a wee cheeky fun pray about too of course.' I said winking.
We exited the car. I took Celine by the hand and led her through the small graveyard leading up to the church. Some of the graves and tombs looked pretty impressive and more importantly very secluded. An ideal place I imagined for some outdoors sordid tom foolery in the darketh of night.
'I'm not shagging you inside that graveyard either. Do you hear me. No way.' Celine said, like she'd been reading my mind.
'Not even against that gorgeous looking gothic tomb over there?' I teased. 'It would be something to tick off the bucket list though no.'
Celine gave me an evil stare.
'Oh sister have mercy! I'm just teasing.'
We approached the church. Celine paused quite suddenly at the main door before finally entering. She looked nervous. It was a big change from always seeing her so strong minded and self confident.
'I can not believe I'm actually doing this Liam. I need to have my bloody head examined.' She said as her French accent grew strangely stronger.
'Hey. This was your idea sweet cheeks. And WOW by the way! Can I just say you look absolutely stunning in that outfit in this light.'
I could see Celine's eyes glowing with that compliment.
'Thank you. You actually look pretty damn hot and ravishing there yourself Monsieur Minister.'
'Why thank you for the compliment my saucy and sinister looking devil sister.'
'Oh my pleasure father. Mon plasir.'
We entered the Church. It looked well over half full with all kinds of evening worshippers, old and young, sitting inside. This was going to be a lot of fun. I had planned to just sit at the back of the church for a wee while you know. Listening to the sermon and fooling around with Celine. But now I was actually here in the moment. Fuck it. I had another idea. My adrenaline and confidence were sky rocketing. I wanted to attempt something a bit more memorable, risky and adventurous. So I would just wing it from here on in.
I let go of Celine's hand and urged her to take my arm instead. We made our way down the main aisle of the Church towards the altar from where the Irish accented priest conducted his sermon. As we walked towards the front of the church I could feel and see from the corner of my eye more and more worshippers turning their attention upon us. Glancing with both confusion and curiosity at this odd Priest and sexy, curvaceous nun twosome.
The real Priest still hadn't seen us yet and kept reading his boring, monotonous words. His voice sounded so dull and mundane like he just didn't have his heart and soul in it anymore. I'd only been here a few seconds and already I wanted to stick my finger into my eye and swirl it around a bit from listening to the droning bastard. That's the problem with these churches nowadays. Too much text book worshiping and not enough spontaneous and fun improvisation and lively interaction with the audience.
'Oh my God Liam! Everyone in here is looking at us right now.' Whispered Celine. Just in front of us on the left, I noticed a young teen putting down his small handheld games console when another young teen beside him, began nudging him hard to look up at this bizarre couple coming towards them. They couldn't take their eyes off Celine's sexy stockings that's for sure.
I felt Celine grip my arm even tighter.
'I thought we were just going to sit down for a bit at the back Liam?'
'Be strong my child. You are in the arms of the Lord now.' I replied, slipping back into character. When we reached the alter the Irish preacher finally noticed us for the first time. He stopped his preaching's immediately to glare over at us, well more so Celine, in utter disbelief and pure adulterated shock. He fell absolutely speechless. Though I could hear non stop chattering and gassing from almost the entire public congregation behind. I stepped further up onto the altar with Celine. This daring act of movement into forbidden territory finally broke the Priest's stunned silence.
'What in God's name is the meaning of this? How dare you interrupt my service. What the hell is going on here?'
'Forgive me father!' I replied loudly, so the rest of the church could hear me too. 'This will only take a minute.'
Sensing the rage in the real Priest's eyes, we'd be lucky if he'd give us two seconds before bringing down the wrath of God upon us. So I turned as quickly as I could to address the rest of the Church.
'...For this sister standing here before you now...' I pointed blatantly at Celine. 'IS A SINNER.'
Celine just froze, all eyes upon her, trying to smile as politely and as innocently as she could.
'So I bring this foul and polluted beast upon you today, so that you can all join together with me in harmony and matrimony and help suck out the very taste of sin and lust and impure thoughts infesting deep, deep inside this, this...' I let out the most wicked grin. '...This most damn fine and sexy impure creature I have ever laid eyes upon.'
I could see the Priest had finally had enough of this charade. He shouted down to one of the alter boys who sat with a row of five other boys in the front.
'Patrick! PATRICK! Call the police ma boy. Call the bloody police right now. Right this very second.'
The young alter boy didn't know which way to look or what the hell to do. He was clearly enjoying the show and reluctantly pulled out his mobile phone. Shit I had to be quick.
'So yes my fellow sheep. I mean worshippers. Act with your prayers and help me suck, suck it out, right out of her very dirty and polluted soul.' I continued, immersing myself completely with the spirit of this preaching shite lark.
'I'd like to suck something out of her.' Commented one of the young alter boys at the front. An older woman behind, who I assumed to be his mother, clipped him hard around the ear. Some more children behind began giggling too at this new drama unfolding.
The priest remained stood where he was, kind of in a state of half shock and limbo. So with little more time to spare, I pulled Celine hard towards me, pulling her into a very passionate embrace indeed. I heard a loud gasp of anticipation from the surrounding congregation. I looked deep and soulfully into Celine's eyes for another few heartbeats before sticking my tongue deep inside her mouth and making out with her like two highland cows on Valentine’s Day. 'Gangnam style.' All tongues mixed with plenty of affectionate lust. It was a shockingly humorous site I imagined. Nobody knew which way to turn. Most, I could feel, were just holding their breaths, wondering if this was some kind of promotion for a local fringe production show in town. But the fringe festival had been over for months.
When I finished kissing Celine I turned back to the crowd. The younger lot seemed to be smiling, chuckling aloud and enjoying the whole shebang. The older crowd, which seemed to be the overwhelming majority of people inside the church, looked as if I'd broken into each and everyone of their houses and took a big stinking dump right in the middle of their brand new living room rug. They were absolutely mortified. The mother of the two teens had even blatantly covered her sons eyes. While Patrick, the alter boy, still hadn't dialed any numbers on his phone yet.
Celine and I ran hurriedly from the Church hand in hand and laughing like a pair of crazy loons. What a rush. We made our way back through the graveyard and over towards the car. We were chased outside by a small crowd of the older church goers. Headed by the enraged Irish Priest frothing at the mouth. He waved a huge metal chalice in the air like he were conducting a witch-hunt in the dark ages. Halfway through the graveyard the Priest stopped, completely out of breath.
'Aye! Run you pair of Satan's fookin perverts ye. And don't come fookin back ya hear! Ya pair o mental fookin Egits ye.'
Still laughing outrageously, Celine and I dived into her car and drove away as quickly as possible.
Driving back into town we were still laughing and chuckling away uncontrollably.
'Oh my God Liam! I am so wet right now with all this excitement.'
'You're wet! I almost peed my pants when that real Priest came at us with his holy chalice. Nearly took my head clean off, the radge.'
'Not very Christian like was he?'
Where were you born and where do you call home?
I was born in London, England to Irish and Scottish parents, but now I call Edinburgh in Bonnie Scotland my home.
What or who inspired you to write? And how long have you been writing?
I've been writing on and off ever since I was about 13. It was while watching the movie Bram Stokers Dracula, A film I completely fell in love with, especially the tragic love story element, that I became inspired and decided to write my own sequel.
What’s your favorite line from a book?
There are some pretty funny and filthy ones from my favourite author Irvine Welsh lol But I'll keep it light for this interview :) The opening few lines of Stephen Vizinczey's 'In Praise of Older Women' always stuck with me while growing up.
'To young men without lovers. This book is addressed to young men and dedicated to older women - and the connection between the two is my proposition. I'm not an expert on sex, but I was a good student of the women I loved, and I'll try to recall those happy and unhappy experiences, which, I believe, made a man out of me.
And - 'Choose life' Renton in Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh.
Tell us a book by an indie author for which you’re an evangelist.
Is Irvine Welsh still considered an Indie Author? Or Charles Bukowski? Then Filth and Porno by Irvine Welsh. Women and Factotum by Bukowski, Ask the dust by John Fante and of course 'In Praise of Older Women by Stephen Vizinczey's
How do you get to know your characters?
They are usually just a combination of various different weird and wonderful people and personalities who I've had the pleasure and displeasure of spending time with and getting to know throughout my life.
What would your main character say about you?
Hurry up and write a best seller you lazy arsehole :) Actually I think Liam and I would really get along just fine, especially the changed Liam at the end of the story, which is where I'm kind of at now anyway. I'd think he'd be proud too of how I've changed my life around in the past 15 years. Loosing weight, getting in shape, becoming more social and even having some good success with a love life :)
Are any of your characters inspired by real people? Who?
Ha ha lol All of them really, but like I said before, everyone is pretty much a combination of different people, and exaggerated to an extent at that. The truest to form character in the book is definitely Liam though.
One of your characters has just found out you’re about to kill him off. He/she decides to beat you to the punch. How would he kill you?
Food poisoned to death :) I love my food but I've never experienced any kind of food poisoning yet, fingers crossed. But it's my greatest fear. Both my brother and sister have had it pretty bad over the years. My brother three times now and it sounds just awful what he went through, mostly hugging a toilet bowl for 48 hours.
With what five real people would you most like to be stuck in a bookstore?
Audrey Hepburn, Charles Bukowski, Irvine Welsh, Eva Green and Ewan McGregor.
What song would you pick to go with your book?
Lust for Life by Iggy Pop or Guns N Roses 'Oooooh oh oh ohhhhh sweet child of mine'
Who are your favorite authors? Easy, Irvine Welsh, Charles Bukowski, Knut Hamsun, Richard Matheson, John Fante, Stephen Vizinczey. I'll give out a free copy of my book lol to whoever can tell me how many of those guys are still alive.
You get to decide who would read your audiobook. Who would you choose?
Ewan McGregor. He has a lovely, vibrant, cheeky, energetic voice.
Do you have a routine for writing? I always kick start a writing session with a delicious cup of black coffee (Carte Noire) with a tea spoon of honey, some dark chocolate and a banana.
Where’s home for you?
The beautiful, Gothic, magical, inspirational and just plain Goddamn awesome city of Edinburgh :) Without a shadow of doubt. I've been to a lot... a hell of a lot of different places in my life, and there is no place like her, the burgh :) That's my opinion.
Neil Gaiman said, “Picking five favorite books is like picking five body parts you'd most like not to lose.” So…what are your five favorite books and your five body parts you’d most like not to lose?
Filth, Somewhere in Time, Memnoch the devil, Praise of Older Women, Peter Pan, Ask the dust, Factotum or Animal Farm or Trainspotting or Pan or The devil in the flesh or Betty Blue or... It's just too hard lol
You’re given the day off, and you can do anything but write. What would you do?
Drive somewhere, to some city or town or place or countryside, where I've never been before, singing along, as I drive, to some good tunes on the radio.
You can be any fictional character for one day. Who would you be?
Peter Pan. Then I would just head out flying around Scotland for the day.
What would your dream office look like?
If I could move the city of Edinburgh to Fiji and then build a small glass office on top of Calton hill to see that view everyday in the gorgeous hot sunshine.
What’s one of your favorite quotes?
'Some people never go crazy, what truly horrible lives they must lead'
What do you like to do when you’re not writing?
Read, Play/watch rugby, tennis, boxing, travel, cook, watch movies, play music, hike, drive, google, drink red wine and eat dark chocolate and porridge.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Edinburgh, in 20 degrees or higher heat, no higher than 30 mind. That would be perfection. Sadly we only see temperatures of 20 degrees and slightly higher for about two weeks of every year here.
What are you working on now?
A kind of young adult adventure fantasy. Think Peter Pan meets Pirates of the Caribbean meets Time Bandits meets the Princess Bride :)
Just For Fun
Cats or dogs? Dogs... Big dogs. Like German Shepherds.
White Wine or Red? Definitely Red.
Coffee or Tea? Coffee... Black and a little sweet.
Favourite Food? Hot steaming porridge mixed with roasted almonds, almond milk and topped off with some delicious honey.
Vanilla or Chocolate Ice Cream? Chocolate.
Laptop or Desktop for Writing? Or Old School Pen and Paper? Lap top. My wrists get far too sore now when I even attempt to write anything with a pen and paper. Plus my handwriting is atrocious,
Where and when do you prefer to do your writing? In my special armchair and any time of day really that I have a few spare hours to focus.
If you were deserted on an island, who are 3 famous people you would want with you? Captain Jack Sparrow, Eva Green and Jennifer Lawrence.
List 3 of your all time favorite books? Peter Pan, In Praise of Older Women, Ask The Dust.
List 3 of your all time favorite movies? Trainspotting, Mr Nobody, Raiders of the Lost Ark.
An actor you have a crush on? See deserted Island question and take away Jack Sparrow :)
What is a movie or TV show that you watched recently and really enjoyed? The American version of Shameless and Episodes.
Where can your readers stalk you?
Born in London to Scottish and Irish parents, Sean spent most of his childhood and teenage years growing up on the move in the likes of Cyprus, Germany, Wales and England as an army brat. With a keen interest in both reading and writing he was diagnosed with the travel and writing bugs very early on in life. Now, writing, reading and traveling are his main passions in life, but he also loves outdoor sports too from Rugby and Hiking to Tennis and Boxing. His main inspiration for writing today comes from living in such a beautiful, Gothic and hauntingly, awe inspiring city such as Edinburgh. This charming wee city has given Sean so much amazing inspiration to write the more time he spends there.
At this moment Sean is writing another two books, one is a sequel to his science fiction novel Alone. The other is about an alcoholic man down on his luck and still dwelling over past tragedies. Who, after a failed suicide attempt, falls for a single mother with an even darker and secretive tragic past than his own.
So far he has two published work of fiction
And four self-published novels.